Fifty Shades of Boredom

     Currently topping the charts is this ridiculous novel called Fifty Shades of Grey.  I'm sure you're all familiar with this and I don't need to explain what it's about.  I haven't read it all so perhaps it's unfair of me to criticise it so harshly but, to be quite honest, the first few pages of Chapter one (as previewed on the Waterstones website), were, quite frankly quite enough for me.

Criticism No 1:  The sentence 'he cocks his head to one side' was used several times in the one scene.  If I'd been editing this I'd have made the author rephrase this sentence or think of another way to show his body language.  How about ‘an inquisitive look’ or ‘his eyes filled with sympathy’?  Or something along those lines?  I actually laughed out loud when 'he tilted his head to one side' was used!  What on earth?  I want to tear this book to pieces so probably just as well I read it online!

Criticism No 2:  Without the hype surrounding this book, it wouldn’t have taken long to know where the story was headed.  The first scene is our hopeless heroine trying to 'tame' her hair.  Instantly we are presented with a hopeless young woman and the physical object being described tells us this book will have physical content.   Oooh my hands tremble with excitement.  NOT.

Criticism No 3:  This book is written in a basic style.  Of course everyone is going to read it.  It is suitable for the lazy readers and even those who don't read at all.  People have told me they’ve read this book in a day because it’s so good.  Erm, no love, you read it in a day because it’s written for people with the reading ability of a child.

Criticism No 4:  The man in question works in a place that is clean and 'clinical'.  He makes the heroine nervous etc.  Yes, if the rest of what I've mentioned hadn't been that obvious already, now we really know what is going to happen.  PREDICTABLE!

I have questions:

Is the fact it's so easy to read for those who don't read, are reading it a good thing?  (Hope this sentence makes sense). 

Do the publishers know exactly what they're doing?  I.e. keep saying the word 'cock' and readers will get so excited they'll just want to read more and more? 

Is it necessary to mention 'grey' and 'gray' over and over again in the narrative?

I didn't proceed to chapter two, I couldn't waste any more of my time.  I'm writing my own novel which I hope will embrace an intelligent readership who desires something more from a book than smut.  Perhaps I'm being too harsh and setting myself up for a fall being a writer myself, or maybe, like every other human being, this book just comes down to personal preference and not reading ability.  Alas, most people I know who are reading this watch TOWIE and love Katie Price.  Trying not to judge, honest!